Words of Wisdom

There is no such thing as a stupid question. There is, however, such things as an annoying question, a redundant question, a question of common sense, an ignorant question, and an unimportant question.

Ode To The NBA Playoffs

I love you NBA Playoffs you excite me so who will win tonight? Probably the home team, but who knows? Stephan A. and his big mouth Stuart Scott and his eye is it really any wonder no on watched till game five? Oh NBA Playoffs you tickle me everyone knows all too well do you really need some many games? I can't wait till the NFL

When anal sex goes wrong.

So this story was passed to me be a co-worker a few years ago an d is now passed to you. Whether it be true or just a way for someone to feel cool for telling it is beyond me, but it's still pretty funny. So my co-worker's friend, lets call him Jack, went on a vacation to Mexico one year. I think it was some time of shore leave from the Navy or something. Whatever, not important. What's important is that he went to Mexico and hasn't seen a woman in months. He goes down with a few Navy buddies (I'm sure with their gay little white uniforms on) to Tijuana or Mazatlan to enjoy life away from the boat and maybe score some ass in the process. I believe the expression is, "He got more than he bargained for." At a bar, he met a very attractive Spanish senorita with a reported amazing ass and a set of breasts (boobs, tits, whatever you like to call them) that would make you "arrive" prematurely. With all of these things going for her, he still thought he had a shot. Of course he did. He was an American soldier before American soldiers were hated. He could have ran through a few that night, but he focused all of his efforts on this one woman. Turns out she wasn't playing hard to get at all. Probably because she may have been a hooker, or at least his friends kept teasing him that she was. Regardless, he didn't care. He was banging this girl tonight. They get back to his room, or the boat, or where ever (don't really remember that part) to do the deed. He may or may not have negotiated a price before the doing, but all of his friends assume he did and failed to admit it. They were doing what grown-ups in love do when he decided to be adventurous and have sex with her in an uncomfortable place. Not uncomfortable like the back of a Volkswagen (wink wink Mallrats), but uncomfortable in the dick-in-your-ass sort of way. Oh, what I failed to mention was he was raw-dogging her in the process, i.e. unprotected sex with a stranger. So, he was doing the second most disgusting act a man can do, having unprotected sex in a female stranger's ass. He was enjoying it. He was loving it. He though this was the climax to his whole weekend and he would share/brag this story for weeks to come as none of his other friends were so lucky. He was a happy man. It was a good night. He finished the deed soon after this realization and disappeared while she was sleeping. Classy. Jack joined his friends back where ever they were supposed to meet (lets say it was some sort of breakfast place) and began to explain his evening. After getting through the larger chunk of his tale he went to the bathroom to get rid of some beer he had consumed during the night. Fire began to shoot out of his penis. Not actual fire, but you know where I'm going with this. He had a burning sensation when he urinated. He wrote it off as the Mexican food (OK?) and went back to his friends to finish his story. Next day: Fire Dick. Day after: Pyro Penis Another day: Flammable Phallus Of course he thought he had an STD from the slutty skank by this time. He opted to go AWOL and get it checked out. He went to a free clinic and explained his unintelligent decision to the older, overweight female nurse while she took his manhood in her hand and checked it out. She did some probing, she did some tests, then I'm guessing she let out some exclamation of a discovery bundled with laughter when she discovered the problem. A seed was in his urethra. A jalapeno pepper seed from that strange girl's ass was lodged in his pee-hole and that was where the burning was coming from. I'm sure she assumed it was some kinky thing he was into, but no, it was the byproduct of a wild night in Meh-hee-ko. The moral of this story is: well, hell, do I really need to point it out?

Not Creepy At All

He just wades in the pool waiting to strike, He will pounce on his prey with all of his might. He knows what he wants his daughter's moon face Hulk Hogan doesn't sleep he just sits quiet and waits.

Ode To Republicans

You can take your GOP and shove it yes, I'm talking to you you can screw it like you love it because I know you do You don't care about Black people or Spanish or Arab or Asain your mind is as narrow as a keyhole eyes fixed on that inaugrial occation grand ol' party indeed all conservative and uptight you think you're better than me you think you're always right But you will soon see you'll be flat on your back when your GOP nominee is beaten by Barrack