NASCAR will be the death of us

I hate NASCAR. I do. Its not a sport. Its not exciting. I would watch for the car wrecks, but I can catch those on Sportscenter. These drivers aren't atheletes, skilled maybe, but not atheletes. Although, does anyone find it weird that there are no ugly drivers? You'd think there would be a bull-dyke or some fat-nasty guy drivers or something. I think NASCAR is going to be a major part in the fall of society and ultimately, the end of the world. (Que Armageddon-type music) *DUN DUUUUUN* I hate that people are so into it. Even alcohol companies sponser these drivers. Isn't that a conflict of interest or something? Don't drink and drive, but watch our drivers with beer on the hood. They have jackets and hats and toy cars and all kinds of garbage. Maybe if they had local teams, I'd understand. Like the Los Angelos Speedsters, Houston Mustangs, Arkansas cousin-fuckers, or the Seattle......Drive-fasters or something. That'd be cool. And they had cheerleaders. Or we could even riot in the streets when our team won the Whatever Cup. I think I'm on to something here. Can you even imagine how much work doesn't get done during a NASCAR race? Think watching The Super Bowl...every weekend....for 3-4 hours. At least in football anything can happen, so they're not playing during the commercials. It'd be funny if they stopped racing during the commercials, so we don't miss them driving around in circles. Do they ever get tired of taking left turns? I wonder if they secretly go to the track at night and try going clockwise? They'd lose their minds. Do they go clockwise in Australia? It all comes down to NASCAR not using any balls. The balls that they DO use involve being emptied in their flame-retardant suits. And finally, to the more serious reason why NASCAR will end the world (Que more music). Gas. I'm curious to know if gas prices would be as high if there were no NASCAR. How can we have a shortage and the government telling us to take public transportation, when 40 cars go really fast in circles for people's enjoyment. When gas stations run out of gas for days at a time, cars will still be going in circles. When gas is up to 7 and 8 dollars a gallon, cars will still go in circles. Having car races in America is like having an eating contest in Somalia. Its only a matter of time before they're racing 747s. Thats alot of fuel. Then someone will say something.