Urinal etiquette

No one likes public restrooms. Allow me rephrase. No one likes using public restrooms. Aside from ladies having gossip sessions or anyone having a random hookup at a bar/club, its not the nicest place to be. It should be your goal to keep to yourself and spend the least amount of time in there as possible. But not all people believe that. They seem to think its a place for socializing and utter disregard for other people's privacy and space. I'm sure its been like this for ages. I bet a neanderthal would get pissed if some guy strolled into his corner of the cave and grunt about his wife's overbite. Or even in the Old West when some guy would insist on telling about some other guy he just shot to some poor soul inside an outhouse. There should be rules set in stone for things like this. Biblical rules. If God (or whoever) summoned me to whatever mountain and set forth commandments for restroom etiquette, this is what would be on the tablets (or two-way pager): I. Thou shalt never use the middle of three urinals in an empty restroom. With three or more urinals, you should always first use the furthest/closest from/to the door and work inward, alternating spots until there is no other choice. II. Thou shalt always flush the urinal after use. No one wants the possibility of a stranger's splashage. However, it is not necessary to flush the toilet. Hilarity will ensue when the next patron uses said toilet. III. Thou shalt not conversate with a man with his dick in his hand(s). It is only permissible if a) you came together/are good friends or b) both are drunk. IV. Thou shalt not start a conversation while sitting in a stall. However, it is permissible to give input on an existing discussion. V. Thou shalt not initiate any physical contact. The one and only exception is if a buddy is passed out on the floor. But said buddy shall be laughed at by numerous people before revived/removed. VI. Thou shalt always share tissues/paper towels upon request. Common courtesy is always appreciated and shall be rewarded with a beer if the establishment serves alcohol. VII. Thou shalt only puke in the sink in a case of emergency. All other instances are reserved for the toilet. In addition, if a person puking in the sink is discovered, they shall be ridiculed for the remainder of the day/night amongst friends/patrons. Never in front of authority. VIII. Thou shalt not interfere with a restroom hook-up. Anything in addition to a short peek must be invited. Camera-phone pictures are encouraged. IX. Thou shalt not wipe nose findings off on the urinal wall. This is inexcusable when a tissue is with-in ten feet of your current position. X. Thou shalt ALWAYS....alwaysalwaysalwaysalways....wash your hands before leaving the restroom. With soap. "I know where my dick has been" is never an acceptable excuse. If this has to be explained to you in any more detail, you obviously ate too much paste in pre-school. If I were President (which I should be), this would be law. If I was Moses, I would have scribbled the time-period equivalent on the back of those huge pieces of stone. If I was the Pope, I would work this into my Easter Mass, then bang-out my weekly nun. I guess some of these can be used for the women's restroom too. I really don't know what goes on in there besides talking, make-up application, and the occasional tampon change.