Things I do when I drink, that I wouldn't regularly do.

The High Five The high five may be the gayest celebrating gesture ever. It may have been cool when Magic was giving one to James Worthy during Showtime in the 80’s, but now? Next time you’re out and sober, try giving a friend a high five and see how awkward it feels. It feels like a wet kiss from your Aunt Gladys. It’s just awkward. But when I drink, I give’em out like crack in the Central District (of Seattle, for the non-locals). Good joke, high five. Hot ass, high five. Excellent point, high five. Gonna go piss, high five. Saying ‘Awesome' I’m a hip-hop fan. Not just the music, but the whole sub-culture. I say things like: “That’s really hot. (pre-Paris, that whore)” “It’s somethin’ serious.” and “That’s kinda crazy.” One thing I tend not to say is, “That’s awesome!” When I have a drink in my hand, however, ‘awesome’ rolls off my tongue like a wet... Advil. The word ‘awesome’ is pretty much anti-me. Its something a ninja turtle would say. Remember the Ninja Turtles? The Obscene Text Message My go-to text usually involves the words ‘drunk’ and ‘horny’, in some kind of combination accompanied by a curse word or two. Oh, and don’t let me get a response. A response to my already-stupid message will just encourage me to say the most off-the-wall shit, only to escalate to a drunk-dialing adventure or some sort of lame attempt at sex. Then the next day I get a random girl coming up to me saying, “I got an interesting message last night.” When I’m not drinking, I send nickel-wasters like, “Hi” or “Bored?” and the infamous, “Boo!” The Dance Floor I am not a dancer. I don’t like to do it. I think I look stupid. Sure, I got a little rhythm, but it doesn’t mean I am obligated to shake my ass every time something with a period asks me too. Give me a few drinks, now I’m Usher without the 8-pack on the dance floor. I don’t really have to be drunk, just loose enough to believe everyone is laughing with me and not at me and to believe the girl I’m dancing with isn’t thinking about her boyfriend. Singing 80’s Rock Songs As stated above, I’m a hip-hop fan. I also like R&B, Jazz, Soul, and even Classical if the mood strikes me. I’m not a big fan of 80’s Rock, but a lot of my friends listen to it, so I hear it a lot. Its fun music I guess. It’s not like I hate it. You’ll know this if you see me drink. I often belt out these songs in some drunken harmony that karaoke was invented for. I’m talking me and my friends, top of our lungs, spilling beer type shit. “Ohhhhhhhh, sweet child o’ miinnnnneeeee!” I become that typical drunk that sings to every song, and I love it.