The Creepiness Factor

I found myself checking out a girl of questionable age the other day. Two actually. The first was outside a restaurant wearing a tight, cleavage baring wife-beater and a pair of jeans that were spray painted on. She kinda looked like Lindsay Lohan, but cute. She could have easily passed for 20 but may have been 16. The second was in a movie theatre wearing daisy dukes and a halter-top that wasn’t halting anything. She could have been 18, but more than likely 14. Here’s the million-dollar question: Is it ok for under aged girls to wear next to nothing and call it ‘expressing their womanhood/sexuality’? And if so, does checking them out make me creepy? I am a man and I like a woman’s body. CORRECTION: I love a woman’s body. The problem I keep having is seeing these girls, that have grown beyond their years, and trying to identify their age so I can decide to find them hot or not. If I see a female in a short skirt, I shouldn’t have to worry about seeing teddy bears on her thong when she bends over. Or even watching a girl pass me by with her d-cups being held together by a ‘Class of 2008’ spaghetti strap top. It’s not fair for me or any other man to have to be subjected to teenage sluttiness. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan (BIG fan) of sluttiness. I just draw the line at teenagers baring their training bras to rebel against Daddy. Men should get rewarded on a monthly basis for resisting these overgrown 16 and 17 year old. Kind of like how your girlfriend gives you blowjobs as a reward for not cheating on her. It is not an incentive, it is just a reward. We shouldn’t need an incentive to not do something wrong, but a reward would make all the hard work seem worth it. Speaking of, what exactly makes this so wrong? Is it the fact that these girls are so naïve and will do anything if you tell them you love them? If I bang a 16 year old in a state where it’s legal to do so, does that mean I’m suddenly not creepy. How about Canada? Their age of consent is 14. It makes sense with their free Medicare that pays for their super legal abortions. Although 14 year olds having sex seems really gross to me, suddenly its tolerable 200 miles away. The last time I wanted to see a 14 year old naked, I was 16. She was hot… to me then. Ten years later and I see why it’s a law. I came up with two solutions to all of these problems. The first, and my favorite, is a watermark on a girls forehead that reveals her birth year when viewed by a camera phone. Similar to when you try to photocopy your grandfather’s social security check so you can pay for your reoccurring crack habit and realize the word ‘VOID’ appears in the background. I want to be able to take a quick picture of a crazy hot girl to see if she has a big, invisible ‘1990’ above her freshly shaped eyebrows. The second is a simple solution. Let thongs and short skirts be a rite of passage when turning 18 as a driver’s license is for turning 16. Make these girls show ID when shopping at Vikki Secret’s or Fredrick’s Of Hollywood. Skanks.