The Dreaded Cell Phone Kiosk

Don’t you hate getting harassed by those damned yuppies at those cell phone kiosks in the malls? I actually have to go out of my way sometimes to evade these people while I shop. They remind me of the bum at the 7-Eleven. Wait a minute… What a Cell Phone Kiosk (CPK) has in common with a homeless person. Bums CPK They ask you a question that they already know the answer to. “Got any change?” “Do you have a cell phone?” They have no short-term memory. They will ask you the same question when you enter and exit a convenience store. They will ask you the same questions they asked when you passed a whole 15 minutes ago. Neither will take no for an answer. “Can I get two dollars? What about a quarter? Cigarette? Could you give me a ride? I’ll suck your dick.” “Interested in a free cell phone? New service? How ‘bout a headset? My first-born? Please validate my existence!” Both will command eye contact. They will stare and point at you until you turn to see what that smell is. They will stare at you with a perma-smile until you turn to see what’s making your soul itch. You feel bad when you ignore them You start to think about how much it must suck to be a bum. You start to pity the life of a cell phone salesman. You can see them from 100 feet away and will do almost anything to avoid them. To avoid a bum, you may drive to another store. To avoid a CPK, you may go in a store and watch for them to turn while you make a break for it. You could use them to impress a girlfriend. Giving money to a bum will score you blowjob points (with your girlfriend, asshole). Having an intelligent, high-tech conversation about the newest, most expensive phone may get her a little wet. They both hate it when you ask questions. They feel like shit (more so anyway) when you bug them about their cardboard home or dumpster diner. These pricks hate fielding questions for someone who’ll never buy anything. Oh, and they both possibly… …have made really bad life decisions. …live week-to-week. …smell. …are bad dressers. …have no real friends. ...are about 8 months away from porn.