My night of drunken UN-greatness

This is an example of my anti-greatness. Have you ever been so drunk at a party that you missed the actual party? I have, and it sucks. I get to this party the other day at about 9:30pm. Usually I’d show up later, but I wanted to make sure I got a decent parking spot. I walk in and I was greeted with beer. I don't think I was beerless the entire night. I ended up grinding on the girls on top of the kitchen counters and tables for 2 ½ hours. Pretty much normal-me shit. I can't dance very well, but I can hold my own when I have to. Did random shots of Jack and some other nasty shit. Turned out to be a bad idea. Sprayed beer on people and the ceiling (sorry 'bout that Luda, but you did it too!). Semi-normal- me shit. Went outside and enjoyed an extra bump in my level of trashed. Then all of a sudden my body decided that was all the fun I would have for the night. I disagreed of course, but my body made a very good point that I really couldn't argue with. When really hot girls come up to you and say, “Hey, Blah wah dah. We doh gee hah. Chahdie cheedie chah.” its time to find a dark corner to pass out in. I found a nice soft spot on the concrete of the side 'lawn' of the house and chose to hang out for two hours. I could not move unless I was swatting mosquitos and ants or disposing the chicken stir-fry and sauce I had earlier. Separately. Small pile for stir-fry, small pile for sauce. My stomach is like a side-show. I was located directly under the window to the main party room, so I heard all the debauchery that I couldn’t help but to miss. Appearantly people were looking for me and shit. They thought I drove home. That sucked. As I lay there fighting to stay awake, I wondered how long it would take before ants started laying eggs in my brain. Its not like I can do anything about since I got this psuedo-paralyzed thing going on. Scary shit. I realized I needed to get up after that. I managed to eventually bring myself inside and crash on the couch, somehow. At that point I could hold a conversation, but not see who I was talking to. I ended up being updated on the happenings (crazy shit) of the party by the only other person who wasn’t getting any action. Sad day. Flustrated with my misfortune, I climbed the stairs to find a hook-up partner. I realized all the girls were gone/taken, I got really dizzy, and then I found myself back on the couch. Very sad day. I still had fun. Even though I got eight or nine, itchy bug bites and blue balls, I still had fun. How? I learned a new word, "Floppy-hangers". Classic. I learned alot of things about the people I work with. All good things. Finally, to the person at that party with a silver Razr camera phone (like that narrows it down any), those are my balls. Both of them. Edit: Blue balls were taken care of.