The Vegas car chase

If you know me, or any of my friends, you’ve probably heard this story plenty of times. All it takes is a reference to Las Vegas and this story always comes up. Which it should. It’s quite the crowd pleaser. How often can you go on vacation and have a near-death experience be the actual highlight to the trip. Ok, maybe ‘near-death’ is an exaggeration. It’s was more of a situation that could have been a lot worse than what it really was. So me and a bunch of friends from work went on a vacation to Las Vegas for a weekend. We try to do this, or something like it, every year at the end of our horse racing season (October-ish) to blow off some steam and be around women who like to have actual fun, as opposed to here in Washington, home of the walking tampons. On our second or third day, there was a lot of frustration from waiting on others in the party. We were wasting expensive time, and the complaining about the smell in the strip club was getting annoying. It was not a good idea to bring girls with us. You know, the whole 'sand to a beach' thing. So naturally there was a little animosity building up. We took a bus to the Rum Jungle (which is in...the MGM maybe?) and the party of 11 or so split up in the casino to cool off. When we met back up at the club, everyone had a different idea on what the rest of the night should entail. Two girls ditched us, the lone couple was arguing, and another two disappeared (the smart ones). Two friends that actually live in Vegas suggested this was all stupid and that we should leave. Those two, me, and two other friends of mine head towards the parking garage to find their car. In the elevator, there was this insanely hot, high maintenance looking, short little Asian chick (just my type) riding with us. I gave her my ‘A’ game (because I was drunk, it may have been my ‘C’ game) and she politely brushed me off but kept up the conversation. Good for her. She ended up at the same stop as us and climbing in a black-on-black Range Rover. Needless to say, I never had a chance. We headed to this local bar that apparently is the popular spot for locals. Yeah, it sucked. It was empty, had greasy pizza, a fight broke out in the parking lot, and there was a lot of puking ("It looks like a pile of shredded cardboard!"). I'm like, “Fuck this. Let’s go back to the hotel.” And that we did. Then the fun started. As we pull out of the parking lot, some car cuts us off with two guys in it. This shit happens all the time so I think nothing of it. My local friend, however, was drunkenly offended and decided to yell out the driver’s window from the passenger side, “Fuck you!! Yeah I’m talking to you!! (pointing) Fuck. YOU!” They stop. Then we stop. We punch it for a few yards. As do they. Silence. Then someone yells, “Gun!” Supposedly a gun was drawn and pointed in our direction, I never saw it, but as I would follow a group of people running out of a theatre without knowing why, I duck when everyone else in the car ducks. Even the driver ducked...with the petal to the floor...head resting on the emergency brake handle...going 87 in a 35 or 40. I saw more through the windshield than he did, and I was in the back seat. We were followed at first, but after running a couple red lights and taking ill-advised left-hand turns, we lost them. Unfortunately, we almost lost more. Trying to take a right-hand turn, then making a last second decision to go left, we hit the little island that the streetlight is mounted on. Completely fucking up the front-end alignment and the rims and almost splitting the car in two through the passenger's side if we were 3 inches more to the left. "Dude, I could have died." No one was hurt. Well, maybe the car owner’s feelings are hurt, but no one else. The car hobbles down the street while constantly trying to veer left like a broken shopping cart before we pull into a parking lot to do a damage assessment (and thinking about running away). We all jump out of the car, except for the drunkest of us who decides if he lays down, no one will see him. After some calming down, we pile back in and have a quiet ride back to the hotel. Real quiet. I'm talking you could here a pin drop, then hear someone a hundred feet away yelling, "Stop dropping fucking pins!" I’m not one to pass up an opportunity for a laugh, so I attempt to end things with a smile... "Out of everything that’s happened tonight, I only have one thing to say." "What's that?" "Your breathe still smells like puke." And we proceeded to laugh off the night.