NFL = Devil

I'm a huge football fan and not much of a religious person. With that being said, I have a theory: The NFL is the devil's work. Don't get me wrong, I'm big on football. I love it. I watch almost every game that's on TV, I visit NFL.com, and I buy the player's jerseys and hats all the time. But think about it for a minute. How do you convince people to stay out of church, disabling them from worshipping their 'God'? Have NFL games played mostly on Sundays, on every Christmas, and every Thanksgiving. So basically (when it comes to Christianity or Catholicism) you're either in church, or you're watching a game. Without doing actual research (too much trouble), I bet the number of football watchers are beginning to dwarf the church goers. I'm not really serious about any of this, but it makes you think. Satan eventually wants to control Heaven (or so I'm told). He's not the smartest or most inventive entity out there, but he can sure as hell seize an opportunity (see also: Hitler, Hollywood). He sat back and saw God create football through the imagination of some bored college kids and then watched the popularity of the sport grow. He had the idea to have games held on Sundays to keep people out of church. Kind of a big 'Fuck You' to God on how he turned something around and made it work for him. The more popular the sport became, the more evil he made it. Grossly overpaid athletes, football groupies, TV deals, Ray Caruth, and finally the Super Bowl. He finally found a way to keep nearly every 'God' fearing person on Earth out of church on one day. It's only a matter of time before he figures out a way to have a Super Bowl every Sunday. Other things to think about: Three excuses from the NFL website why you can't go to church. Especially important for West Coast fans, where Sunday games start during peak worship hours. Try one of the following: "I don't want to be called a pew-hogger." "Organ music reminds me of organ grinders and the objectification and mistreatment of little monkeys." "We were just there last Easter." (In a pinch you could try "The communion wafer has too many carbs" -- just make sure that when you say it you're not holding a beer.) Even some churches make their picks of the week. Hey, you gotta reach your audience somehow. Closing in on world domination.