Stupidity is a curse

So I used to work with this girl (we’ll call her Dumbshit for conversational purposes) a few years ago. Well, not really with her. She worked in the same building as me. Let’s just say she wasn’t that bright. She was kind of odd, actually. For instance, during the slow part of her day at the job, she decided to start reading her book, Sex For Christians. I guess they do it differently or something. She was a 24 year old, born again, Christian. I really shouldn’t have to say much else, but I will. Another time we went to catch a movie, and she took 15 minutes at the counter deciding which one to see, rather than choosing the one we’ve been discussing for the past two and a half hours. Maybe that one drink she had at the bar messed with her memory. Maybe she was just dumb. With that being said, here’s a short story on the defining moment of our short-lived friendship… Dumbshit was genuinely a nice girl. Wide-eyed and bushy-tailed, she was always happier than the first thirty-five minutes of the movie Bambi. We hung out a bunch of times because she was actually fun to be around. On a sunny August afternoon, as I was picking blackberries (it relaxes me, okay?), she calls to tell me she wants to hang out. I told her what I was doing and she took that as an opportunity to show me her new dog. Now if I was looking to hook-up, I would have told her not to, so I told her she could (for some reason, girls tend not to fuck in front of their pets. Something about being watched or something. "They know!") So I told her she could. Here’s a math problem she couldn’t figure out: dumbass dog without a leash + dumbshit owner + thorny bushes = ...we didn’t stay long. We go to my place so I can shower. She decides to take her dog for a walk in my (I stressed this to her on the way there) dog-less apartment complex. Yeah, that didn’t go over too well with management. Then we go to her place to drop off the mutt. Even her mom knows she’s dumber than shit. I thought that was funny. We go eat at a place that “has the best Mexican food” that she’s never been to. It didn’t. I decided for us to come back to my place to see a movie and get drunk. Usually that’s a code word for something else, but not in this case. She proceeds to get trashed on 100 proof vodka (thanks mom!) and passed out in my lap, an hour and a half into the movie. It was a long movie. Remember this part: I put a blanket over her, shut off the movie, and went to bed. That is all that happened. Got it? She left the next morning before I got up, but only after her phone rang for a straight hour. I may have seen her once in the next 4-5 months. I assumed she had moved away like she had talked about doing, or she was embarrassed about passing out. Then I got a call out of nowhere. Dumbshit begins to apologize for ‘blowing me off’ and says she has a good reason. Maybe its because it never dawned on you to charge your phone every couple of days. I could care less really, but I was oddly curious. She goes on to tell me that she caught something, and it wasn’t the flu. “What the fuck does that have to do with me?” I ask. “I haven’t been with anyone lately (bullshit. Sex For Christians anyone?), so I thought you took advantage of me when I passed out on your couch.” she replied. What. The. Fuck. “But its ok now. I just recently decided that you didn’t. How have you been? Hello? Hello? ...click. That was the last I've heard of her. If you're reading this Dumbshit, I'm sorry. I had to tell somebody.