Randomness

Just some things to think about. If we ever have a female President, will we ever hear the words, "I did not have sexual relations with.......those three men."? Internet Billionaire is the new Millionaire Oil Tycoon Speaking of oil....Why have the prices of gas went up, but the prices of motor oil are holding steady? Why is it ok for a woman to have a dildo, but men are "creepy" if we have synthetic vaginas? The feeling you get after masterbating is alot like the feeling you get after fucking a fat chick. You don't want anyone to know, you feel guilty for it, but it still feels better than banging a boney girl. We have pills for impotence and depression, so why hasn't my flying car and/or flying skateboard from Back To The Future arrived? Shouldn't it be illegal to charge for parking when there is no other parking? In theory, they can charge $100 a parking spot in Seattle and you'd still have to pay to park there. What came first: The Blowjob or Anal Sex? You figure in the B.C. era, someone was curious about where else they can stick it in. Which one did they try first? My vote goes to the mouth. In addition.....if there are population problems in other countries, they don't believe in contraceptives (Catholicism), and they still wanna have sex.....why don't they save alot of trouble and have anal sex? Or do what high school virgins do and give head like it was a cure for cancer. If we ever run out of oil, what am I supposed to do with my car? Lawnmower? Gas powered toenail sander? Why hasn't the Catholic Church tried to put up something on the Vegas Strip? Maybe they were distracted by Circus Circus. If the world was once watched over by Zeus and other Greek Gods, am I to assume my God beat their ass and took over 2-3000 years ago? Or was he just on a break then? Why is it ok for a man to walk around with his balls swinging everwhere in a gym locker room, but when I change clothes in my car or in a parking lot, I'm the pervert? Why do we let celeberties decide what's hot to wear? So if Paris Hilton doesn't wear any low-cut shirts or mini skirts anymore, does that mean I won't see any accidental nudity this summer? When did big tits go out of style? The hot girls don't seem to have them anymore. It's all about the arching the back to poke out the non-existent ass nowadays. The douchebag (also known as the Tool) seems to be the new metrosexual this season. Is it wrong to not break up a chick fight? Not because I want clothes to come off, but because I really wanna see a chick get her ass handed to her. Its sick and immoral to see teenagers (14-17) have sex. Why is it ok to watch actors and actresses play teenagers who are having sex? Are there any poor Scientologists? If you're American, that means you're from America. Japanese/Japan. German/Germany. And so on. So I would think if you're Canadien, you're from Canadia. French/Frenchia. Italien/Italia. Spanish/Spann. Amish/Amania. And so on. Part 2 --->

NASCAR will be the death of us

I hate NASCAR. I do. Its not a sport. Its not exciting. I would watch for the car wrecks, but I can catch those on Sportscenter. These drivers aren't atheletes, skilled maybe, but not atheletes. Although, does anyone find it weird that there are no ugly drivers? You'd think there would be a bull-dyke or some fat-nasty guy drivers or something. I think NASCAR is going to be a major part in the fall of society and ultimately, the end of the world. (Que Armageddon-type music) *DUN DUUUUUN* I hate that people are so into it. Even alcohol companies sponser these drivers. Isn't that a conflict of interest or something? Don't drink and drive, but watch our drivers with beer on the hood. They have jackets and hats and toy cars and all kinds of garbage. Maybe if they had local teams, I'd understand. Like the Los Angelos Speedsters, Houston Mustangs, Arkansas cousin-fuckers, or the Seattle......Drive-fasters or something. That'd be cool. And they had cheerleaders. Or we could even riot in the streets when our team won the Whatever Cup. I think I'm on to something here. Can you even imagine how much work doesn't get done during a NASCAR race? Think watching The Super Bowl...every weekend....for 3-4 hours. At least in football anything can happen, so they're not playing during the commercials. It'd be funny if they stopped racing during the commercials, so we don't miss them driving around in circles. Do they ever get tired of taking left turns? I wonder if they secretly go to the track at night and try going clockwise? They'd lose their minds. Do they go clockwise in Australia? It all comes down to NASCAR not using any balls. The balls that they DO use involve being emptied in their flame-retardant suits. And finally, to the more serious reason why NASCAR will end the world (Que more music). Gas. I'm curious to know if gas prices would be as high if there were no NASCAR. How can we have a shortage and the government telling us to take public transportation, when 40 cars go really fast in circles for people's enjoyment. When gas stations run out of gas for days at a time, cars will still be going in circles. When gas is up to 7 and 8 dollars a gallon, cars will still go in circles. Having car races in America is like having an eating contest in Somalia. Its only a matter of time before they're racing 747s. Thats alot of fuel. Then someone will say something.