Banging A Drunk Girl

...is not as cut and dry as it seems. There are two times that women are never hornier (supposedly): during their period and when they're drunk. Most normal people would think that the drunk girl at the party is off-limits. That, my friend, is not always true. They are looking to get laid after that fourth or fifth shot just as everyone else. Whether or not it's a good idea is up for debate. Here are some rules of etiquette to follow when sex and alcohol mix. 1. If you are sober, banging some girl that is completely trashed is probably not the best thing to do. Too many bad things can come from it. Either she can call date rape, regular rape, say she's on birth control when she's really not, or you can be known as 'that guy' who takes advantage of sweet girls who've had too much. Moral of the story: If you aren't drinking, concentrate on the sober chicks. 2. There are two types of horny drunk girls at every party. There's the ones who have had enough liquid courage to put all of their energy into fucking that guy they've been eyeing for a while. If you're that guy, bang away. Then there's the ones who are drunk enough to sex up the first guy who tries. They are fifteen minutes away from having their girlfriends hold their hair back anyway, so that's two reasons to leave them alone. 3. It's bad taste to hook-up with a drunk virgin. You always remember your first. They will always remember the bastard who took complete advantage of their innocence and so will all of her friends. You have now not only made a perfectly sweet girl feel cheap, you have also ruined all chances you had at showing any of her friends your 'O' face. 4. A personal rule I go by: If you are just as drunk as she is, go for the gold. If you see a girl puking in the bushes outside only because you are puking beside her, she's fair game. Whose gonna blame you for anything when you were incapable of saying no yourself? Just remember to use mouthwash. 5. If a girl was flirting with you before she got all shitty, that does not mean you can't hit that. You may assume it was going to happen anyway. Same rule applies if you two agreed to meet there for drinks. Just assume she wanted it as much as she did sober. Now, if you must go balls deep in a sauced up young lady, I can do nothing more but help you out a little... 1. If possible, do the driving to wherever you plan on getting laid. Or take a cab. You want to be able to leave whenever you want. Whether it's because you're done and she's asleep, her husband is on his way home, she makes really nasty smelling scrambled eggs, or she got all psycho after she slipped into something more 'comfortable'. Out like a thief in the night. 2. USE A FUCKING CONDOM! If she sleeps with the nearest guy when she's drunk, then you're not the first. Shit, you're probably not even the eighteenth. Plus, assume she'll be too hungover to remember to take her pill the next day. 3. Don't put 'it' anywhere other than her vagina. Testing her gag reflex may result in Pink Panty Droppers covering your balls and sliding into fifth base may result in more than a little dirt on the uniform. And by dirt, I mean shit. Trust me, the pussy is the way to go. 4. A drunken threesome (MFF of course) is a great way to have another set of eyes. You know you never took advantage of her and you have a witness to prove it. Plus, if you get whiskey dick, you can just sit back and watch. Most girls are a few shots away from one anyway. 5. Most girls (not all, some are great) who get drunk and put out to random guys aren't that special. Try to make it a point to not give her your phone number. Now, if she has some special talent like putting her feet behind her head or tonguing your balls while you're in her throat, put your number in permanent marker on her refrigerator. She may be worth another shot. Things to enjoy: A courtesy tap is not necessary. Their throat is probably numb anyway. If you are a facial man, she's not gonna care tonight. If she has roommates, walk to the kitchen naked afterwards to get something to drink. This will be a topic of conversation for weeks to come in that house/apartment. Hide her panties before she leaves. Watching her search for them in a hurry to go will be very entertaining.