I hate anti-smoking commercials

I don't smoke. It smells and I guess it may kill people. I don't know for sure. It does, however, give your tongue this fun new texture, but that's besides the point. Even with my own anti-smoking stance, I really hate these ads they have on. Here's a sample of the ways these anti-smoking groups waste money: I was gonna write some shit about this. It was going to be about how they could find better ways to spend this money and make a real difference in the 'fight' against smoking. Then I searched YouTube and found this short commercial that says everything I was thinking. Observe:

My Google Keywords pt 3

<-Pt 2 Seems to be my thing that I do every two weeks. Some people are pretty fucked up. Jan. 14th self confidence ex girlfriend -super- 9th (awww, someone's GF is less than super) Jan. 18th rimjob stories- 3rd (not something I'm too proud of) Jan. 19th my girlfriend makes me wear panties- 18th (she made him wear them?) Jan. 21st my girlfriend is a drunk- 10th on MSN sweet things to do for an ex girlfriend- 2nd how do i get rid of my crazy ex-girlfriend- 8th rimjob stories- I just wanted to state that I was the end result for 13 searches today for rimjob stories. That's funny considering I have no ACTUAL rimjob stories.....yet Jan. 22nd gross facials- 13th whats the deal with facials- 3rd girls buttsex blog- 98th (out of all the millions of porn sites out there, this is how my site comes up. scary) Jan. 23rd (what I call "Weird searches about panties day') my girlfriend made me wear her panties for the day- 17th cons of not wearing panties- 8th pros and cons to going commando- 4th whale tail panty- 6th shit stained panties- refused to check, ewwww. Jan. 24th rambunkshus- 1st calories burned masterbating- 11th athiesism site- 3rd slam pig- 4th (hahahahahahahahahahahaha) Jan. 27th i hate the word awesome- 3rd cum nutrition- 13th Jan. 28th why she's a nasty drunk- 9th movie theater etiquette date- 1st sexy whale tail- 6th rimjob stories- 2nd (again? 3x today. I should just make one up. There seems to be a need for one) strip air hockey- 8th

New Word: Legaler

Legaler (lee-gull-ur) adj. 1. the act of increasing legalality, being more legal 2. over the age of 21 Example: You may have been legal at 18, but being 21 makes you legaler.

Banging A Drunk Girl

...is not as cut and dry as it seems. There are two times that women are never hornier (supposedly): during their period and when they're drunk. Most normal people would think that the drunk girl at the party is off-limits. That, my friend, is not always true. They are looking to get laid after that fourth or fifth shot just as everyone else. Whether or not it's a good idea is up for debate. Here are some rules of etiquette to follow when sex and alcohol mix. 1. If you are sober, banging some girl that is completely trashed is probably not the best thing to do. Too many bad things can come from it. Either she can call date rape, regular rape, say she's on birth control when she's really not, or you can be known as 'that guy' who takes advantage of sweet girls who've had too much. Moral of the story: If you aren't drinking, concentrate on the sober chicks. 2. There are two types of horny drunk girls at every party. There's the ones who have had enough liquid courage to put all of their energy into fucking that guy they've been eyeing for a while. If you're that guy, bang away. Then there's the ones who are drunk enough to sex up the first guy who tries. They are fifteen minutes away from having their girlfriends hold their hair back anyway, so that's two reasons to leave them alone. 3. It's bad taste to hook-up with a drunk virgin. You always remember your first. They will always remember the bastard who took complete advantage of their innocence and so will all of her friends. You have now not only made a perfectly sweet girl feel cheap, you have also ruined all chances you had at showing any of her friends your 'O' face. 4. A personal rule I go by: If you are just as drunk as she is, go for the gold. If you see a girl puking in the bushes outside only because you are puking beside her, she's fair game. Whose gonna blame you for anything when you were incapable of saying no yourself? Just remember to use mouthwash. 5. If a girl was flirting with you before she got all shitty, that does not mean you can't hit that. You may assume it was going to happen anyway. Same rule applies if you two agreed to meet there for drinks. Just assume she wanted it as much as she did sober. Now, if you must go balls deep in a sauced up young lady, I can do nothing more but help you out a little... 1. If possible, do the driving to wherever you plan on getting laid. Or take a cab. You want to be able to leave whenever you want. Whether it's because you're done and she's asleep, her husband is on his way home, she makes really nasty smelling scrambled eggs, or she got all psycho after she slipped into something more 'comfortable'. Out like a thief in the night. 2. USE A FUCKING CONDOM! If she sleeps with the nearest guy when she's drunk, then you're not the first. Shit, you're probably not even the eighteenth. Plus, assume she'll be too hungover to remember to take her pill the next day. 3. Don't put 'it' anywhere other than her vagina. Testing her gag reflex may result in Pink Panty Droppers covering your balls and sliding into fifth base may result in more than a little dirt on the uniform. And by dirt, I mean shit. Trust me, the pussy is the way to go. 4. A drunken threesome (MFF of course) is a great way to have another set of eyes. You know you never took advantage of her and you have a witness to prove it. Plus, if you get whiskey dick, you can just sit back and watch. Most girls are a few shots away from one anyway. 5. Most girls (not all, some are great) who get drunk and put out to random guys aren't that special. Try to make it a point to not give her your phone number. Now, if she has some special talent like putting her feet behind her head or tonguing your balls while you're in her throat, put your number in permanent marker on her refrigerator. She may be worth another shot. Things to enjoy: A courtesy tap is not necessary. Their throat is probably numb anyway. If you are a facial man, she's not gonna care tonight. If she has roommates, walk to the kitchen naked afterwards to get something to drink. This will be a topic of conversation for weeks to come in that house/apartment. Hide her panties before she leaves. Watching her search for them in a hurry to go will be very entertaining.

The Joy Of Cum?

I try to stay away from posting about other blogs. Mostly because I'm jealous that I didn't think of these things first. I was going through my statcounter and saw that someone did 2 Google searches for 'why men can't cum every ten minutes'. (By the way, that would be awesome) Anyway, I came up tenth for whatever reason. The point of this post is what I found at number one. Cum Nutrition Facts Plus 100 Blowjob Tips. Girls read this. Take notes. Rejoice. It's gold. Edit: The original info was from here. So go there instead.

'24' Monday

I can't help it. This is only entertaining me, but I don't care.

Word Of The Week: Awesome

I really hate this word. Hate it. But for some reason as of late, I have come to embrace it and make it my own. I even have a MySpace group proclaiming my awesomality (which, coincidentally, is the nerdiest thing I've ever said). Kinda like when you have a fear of something and you force yourself to overcome it, I have forced myself to use the word 'awesome' and integrate it into my everyday vocabulary. Awesome (ahh-sum) adj. 1. To be full of awe 2. Amazing, unreal, better than great. 3. < GLORIOUS Example: Did you just see that? It was awesome. n. 1. Me Example: You wish you could be as awesome as me. See also: awesomeness, awesominity, awesomality, awesomery, awesomish, preawesome, postawesomeness, uber-awesomeness, ultrawesome, fuckingawesome, awefuckingsome, awesomer, awesomest, awesoming, me.

'...by default'

Two of the greatest words in the English language. You try so hard to accomplish a goal. You work day and night to sharpen your skill. You put in extra hours to finish a project. You work your ass off to get to where you wanna go. You do all of this, and you only come in second place. The runner-up. The loser. Sucks hard, with teeth, don't it? All is not lost. You have a second chance. There is still a way for all of your time and hard work to finally pay off. Something may happen to the winner, the guy that got the promotion, the one on top, whoever it is. Something could happen. Then you win....by default. There is no shame in coming up ahead by default. It's not like a free gift or something. You did put in the work/time. You deserved it more than anyone...except that one person who deserved it more than you. This is just your second chance. A miracle some would say. Not me though. I like 'second chance'. Of course I have examples: The hottest girl in school already has a date for prom. She said she'd go with you if something fell through. Coincidently, her date 'fell through' some ice. You win by default. The job promotion you've been working for ended up going to the girl with the huge rack. Turns out, someone told her boss she stole that missing computer from a month ago. You win by default. You take second in a beauty pagent to the girl with the bleach-blond hair. Somehow it gets out that the judges ran a train on her the night prior. She denies it, but you still win by default. You bought as many raffle tickets you could afford at the state fair. You really wanted that three-day weekend in Aspen. When they called out the name of the winner, no one showed up. For whatever reason, the restroom stall door was welded stuck and she couldn't get out in time to claim her prize. They called your name next. You win by default. Its only you and the Korean kid left in the district spelling bee. Your word was hard, but you managed. His word was difficult also, but doable. Then suddenly a gun misfires and you're the only participate standing. Your cousin is being tackled by security, but you still win by default. You share the winning lottery numbers with two other people. When you go to collect your winnings, you are the only one to claim your prize. Apparently, the other two were in the same car accident earlier that day. Coincidently. You happily accept their share of the prize....by default. You are in good shape, so you enter a marathon. You barely get edged out by some 'ringer' who doesn't even live in your state. The crowd gets tipped off that he's a terrorist hoping to use the prize money to support terrorism. They beat him to death. As the second place runner, you win by default. You get your brother's girlfriend pregnant. She says it could either be yours or your brother's. You have the same genes so she say's she'll just call it his no matter what, he'll never know. You don't have to worry about child support or awkward family gatherings. You win by default. 'By default' gives you hope when someone works a little bit harder than you. Or they cheat. Either way, you got your second chance. You earned it.

NFL = Devil

I'm a huge football fan and not much of a religious person. With that being said, I have a theory: The NFL is the devil's work. Don't get me wrong, I'm big on football. I love it. I watch almost every game that's on TV, I visit NFL.com, and I buy the player's jerseys and hats all the time. But think about it for a minute. How do you convince people to stay out of church, disabling them from worshipping their 'God'? Have NFL games played mostly on Sundays, on every Christmas, and every Thanksgiving. So basically (when it comes to Christianity or Catholicism) you're either in church, or you're watching a game. Without doing actual research (too much trouble), I bet the number of football watchers are beginning to dwarf the church goers. I'm not really serious about any of this, but it makes you think. Satan eventually wants to control Heaven (or so I'm told). He's not the smartest or most inventive entity out there, but he can sure as hell seize an opportunity (see also: Hitler, Hollywood). He sat back and saw God create football through the imagination of some bored college kids and then watched the popularity of the sport grow. He had the idea to have games held on Sundays to keep people out of church. Kind of a big 'Fuck You' to God on how he turned something around and made it work for him. The more popular the sport became, the more evil he made it. Grossly overpaid athletes, football groupies, TV deals, Ray Caruth, and finally the Super Bowl. He finally found a way to keep nearly every 'God' fearing person on Earth out of church on one day. It's only a matter of time before he figures out a way to have a Super Bowl every Sunday. Other things to think about: Three excuses from the NFL website why you can't go to church. Especially important for West Coast fans, where Sunday games start during peak worship hours. Try one of the following: "I don't want to be called a pew-hogger." "Organ music reminds me of organ grinders and the objectification and mistreatment of little monkeys." "We were just there last Easter." (In a pinch you could try "The communion wafer has too many carbs" -- just make sure that when you say it you're not holding a beer.) Even some churches make their picks of the week. Hey, you gotta reach your audience somehow. Closing in on world domination.

'24' makes me laugh sometimes

You couldn't stay long enough to hook Harold up with a job?

Second Chances

I am a nerd. I know. But I don't care. I love this show.

New Word: Rambunkshus

I know this is acutally a word. I think. I'm pretty sure it is. I'm also pretty sure I spelled it wrong and I don't know what it means, nor do I care. I refuse to look it up. I use it from time to time and I'm pretty sure my meaning is far from what Webster says it means. I don't trust midgets anyway. Rambunkshus (Ram-bungk-shus) adj. 1. A word used to describe a woman's unusually round posterior. Example: I wouldn't say she had a fat ass. Her ass was rambunkshus.

Party days

What does your party day say about you? Monday Guy- You have a part-time job or you love football. Stop going out and go get a job! Girl- Mondays are your roughest days at work. Probably on a date. Tuesday Guy- You're desprate to run into that girl from Saturday night. Girl- You've had two days to recover. You're back at full party stregnth. Wednesday (Hump Day) Guy- You're trying to hump something. Girl- Likewise, except you're looking to get humped. Thurday (Ladies Night) Guy- You are out strictly to get laid. Knowing the women will out number the men this night keeps you ahead of the game. Girl- You love attention. Women drink free, pay no cover, and hourly thong contests make you glad you shaved your legs this morning. Friday Guy- You like'em young. You enjoy 18+ "bars" and 18+ girls. Plus, you just got paid. Girl- You are too hot to worry about the young competition, or you are young yourself. Saturday Guy- You're a grown man and you're ready for some grown-up fun. Girl- You enjoy seeing the same people every week. Especially if you saw someone hot the week before. Sunday Guy- You are a fan of a bad football team and now you have nothing to cheer about but drunk women. Girl- You are single and you need a man for the night.

My Google Keywords pt 2

<-Pt. 1 Another installment of how people find my site. There have been a lot of weird ones, but these are the best of the past two weeks. Dec. 26th buttsex tattoo- 1st (Bwahahahahahaha!) first nakedness experience- 3rd (hmmmm) Dec. 28th girl fucks dog- I didn't even check, but ew. my girlfriend love to jerk me off- 10th (and it had nothing to do with anything) Dec. 29th slutty things to do- 4th my child is psycho- 2nd Dec. 30th how to tell my exgirlfriend she is a piece of shit- 7th songs for a boyfriends psycho ex girlfriend- 1st (must be a theme) strip skin nude air hockey- 100th (worth mentioning) common butt sex- 203rd (as opposed to uncommon buttsex?) Dec. 31st burning calories masterbating- 22nd Jan. 1st jailbait if you dont hit it, someone else will- 4th is it wrong give blowjobs want- 7th Jan. 2nd shawn kemp kids with strippers- 7th fuck my grand mother- 87th weird panties- 39th Jan. 4th rimjob stories- 7th shitty panty- 2nd (in Japan) 'ex girlfriend etiquette'- 3rd buttsex- 8th Jan. 9th girlfriend makes me wear her thongs- 2nd on AOL (this makes me chuckle) Pt. 3->

New word: Anti-me

Anti-me [an-tigh-mee] adj. 1. Something that is not in my nature. 2. The opposite of me. Example: I don't say 'awesome'. It's very anti-me.

How exactly do you fuck this up?

I mean, c'mon Romo, really. That's all I wanted to say. Now I have to listen to another week of "Hawk Mania". I hate this town.

So my boy asks me to sell some crack...

I've seen Scarface about 150 times. I love that movie. It is, by far, my most favoritest (real word) movie ever. I guess you can say it may have influenced me a little. I made the mistake of mentioning my aspirations of being like Tony Montana in front of an old friend a couple years back. I went on about how I could build a small, secretive business on weed and ecstacy and live quite nicely off of it. I'm a hustler by nature, meaning there's not much I can't do. I go on and on about how I know my shit and whatever and I was just looking for a connect. I can only assume he misunderstood me. You see, my boy was hood-rich. When I say that, I mean he had alot of nice stuff, but he hid it in a meager apartment and had no job. He went on to tell me about how he had this hookup in another state or whatever and he was going to visit said hookup in a week or so. "For real? I'm in." When he went on to tell me I had to help him cook it up and bag it, I became a little weary. "Cook it? We ain't talking 'bout the same thing, are we?" It turns out he was gonna strap a couple pounds of dope to a little kid and get it up here through Greyhound. "Oh. I see." Apparently, UPS ain't got shit on Greyhound if you need to transport anything illegal. I then went on to tell him how I was talking about something completly different and I'm not into pushing any of that stuff. Something about getting large amounts of jailtime for small amounts of product doesn't set well with me. I did, however, make an 'investment' towards a future return. I might as well have given that money to the blackjack table because I saw no return. Turns out, his bus was about to get searched and he had to dump his product. Serves me right. I learned that day to just say no to drugs. And drug dealers. Coincidently I've only seen him once since then. I can only assume the next time the dogs came through, he didn't dump the shit fast enough and now he is 'unreachable'.

Her 'magic' number pt. 2

A few weeks ago I posted a mathematical equation that gives you an acceptable number of men that a woman could have fornicated with before dating you. Now let's take our experiment a step further. Take that number, make the following additions or subtractions, then make a range of two under and two over and you will have about what her magic number actually is. Hopefully it won't differ too much from the original. Keep in mind if she is an unusually slutty girl or an honest virgin, this will not work. Did you fuck her on the first date? add 4 Was she single as a freshman in college? add 2 Sorority? add 2 Does she initiate sex? yes- add 1, no- subtract 3 Is she really smart? subtract 2 Is she close with her family? subtract 3 Older sisters? add 2 Older brothers? subtract 2 Parties three or more times a week? add 3 Doesn't ever party on her birthday? subtract 5 Played sports in school? Subtract 2 Can she deep throat? add 4 Been to more than one high school? Subtract 1 Blonde? add 1 Religiously watches reality TV? subtract 3 Lived in the same house for the majority of her life? add 1 Lives away from her parents (only applies if <23) add 3 Has alot of guy friends (that you assume she's never slept with) subtract 4 Does she wear a one-piece bathing suit? subtract 3 For every shot of whiskey she can handle in a night, add .3 For every prom date that wasn't a boyfriend, add 1 Add a guy for every 2 inches above the middle of her thigh that her skirts usually hit or subtract a guy for every 2 inches below the knees. Using our example girl from last week, we've estimated that she's been with close to twelve guys. Now that we know her a little better, we can conclude that our smart blondie, who we fucked on the first date, deep throating, long shirt wearing, sporty, baby of the family who doesn't live with her parents and never went to college has been with fifteen to nineteen guys. Hmmm, I think I hear wedding bells. If you came up with a number under 2, assume she's been with three guys. If you came up with a really big number, it may not be accurate, but saying 25 is like saying 35 or 45. Once it gets that high, the actual number is meaningless. For any women who read this: It is not a bad thing to be promiscuous. Sex is a part of life and don't let anyone tell you different. With that in mind, your man doesn't wanna know exactly how slutty you were/are. If he asks, give him an idea or a range to work with, nothing exact. "More than ten, but less than twenty." If he insists on something exact, let him have it. If he's mature he'll accept whatever you tell him or dump you outright. Real men don't belittle their women for how much sex they've had. JUST DON'T LIE