Car insurance is a scam.

Even the car insurance executives know this shit is the biggest scam since the moon landing. We pay big chunks of money every few months for a small card that says we're 'covered'. "Dude, if I hit you, you're shit will get fixed." As if to say without that card we're not liable for anything. What gets me is the money you put into this 'convenience'. First you pay a certain amount a month. You continue to pay for, let's say, five years of perfect driving. Fuck, fifteen years of perfect, accident-free driving. That is money wasted. That is money you should get back. "But yo do", some would say. Only that when something happens, they do give you the money you apparently paid into, but they raise your rates to cover what they just paid to make sure you come out with a sore asshole. In addition to that, it's required by law to cover liability where I live. I think it's $10,000 or something. I could look it up, but I don't care. It's even enforced here. Marijuana laws aren't even really enforced here, but you better have that fucking proof of insurance on you. My solution: Make car insurance a luxury. Sure it's smart to get it, but not legally needed. If you happen to rear-end someone and you don't have insurance, they just sue the shit out of you. That should be your incentive, not the $501-$1000 fine they force on you for not being 'covered'. Oh, and I hate the commercials and direct mailers, so.....please stop. Reason for all of this: I was pulled over for a stupid traffic "violation" and was also cited for not drinking the insurance Kool-Aid. I mean really, why have an HOV lane on an off-ramp that is NEVER busy? Yellow line: The hundred-or-so feet of unneeded HOV lane Red X: Fucking Pig On A Bike Blue Circle: Where the REAL crime took place

The Viral Guide to Fellatio?

Oh, the boredom.....

26 25 dumb things us guys might say in bed.

1. "Are you sure you're on your period?" 2. "Is that the right one?" 3. "There's always a red light in my closet. Why do you ask?" 4. "You mean, like, "no", no?" 5. "Is it supposed to do that?" 6. "So, what's your sister up to?" 7. "Don't worry, if they come in, they won't stay long." 8. "Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy." 9. "You can't get pregnant during a full moon. That's just science." 10. "Could you pop that for me?" 11. "I'm going to assume your silence means 'yes'." 12. "This won't hurt a bit." 13. "My girlfriend does this thing with her tongue. Can you do that?" 14. "You need any money?" 15. "I really hope my mom doesn't walk in ...again." 16. "Does this mean you are doing my homework afterall?" 17. "How old are you again?" 18. "I really wish you didn't have a period. Wait, nevermind." 19. "Grrrrrr." 20. "You like that don't ya, bitch?" Number 20 excluded do to extreme awesomeness. 21. "BomChika Wah Wah." 22. "No, I would NOT like a blowjob." 23. "You have a pretty asshole." 24. "I guess now is a good time to tell you...." 25. Any quote from any movie. 26. "I love you."

Random Proverb

Women are like blackberries. You have to work really hard to get the good and juicy ones, even pricking yourself a few times in the process. All while the easiest ones by your feet have probably already been pee'd on.

Jury Duty Strikes Again

So I honestly thought I would never have to do jury duty ever again. After my last experience I decided I will try not to avoid it. Over the last couple weeks a number of people around me have received summons for the larger courts in our area. I laughed, gave advice, shared my memories, etc. Little did I know what was waiting for me in the mail.... Just as the title says, I got hit again. This time with a lesser court. I guess my local city courts want me to give judgement. I find that ironic since in the same week I was ticketed for driving in an HOV lane AND driving sans insurance. Fuck them. The cost me $647 and they want MY help? The worst part is the way they do it in the smaller district. I don't get an exact day to appear. I filled out a "questionnaire" to determine if I qualify, then I'm expected to wait for a call in the future telling me what day to appear. I don't want to do that, so I wrote this down to deter them:

What I learned from the Simpsons Movie...

Bart may have only three fingers (and a thumb), but he still has two balls. If, as an animated series, you want to drop a curse word or two but are restricted by the FCC to do so, make a movie. (also learned from South Park) Not all cartoons are made for kids. Contrary to prior beliefs, Homer and Marge DO have sex. Pigs make great pets. Any TV show can string together four episodes and call it a movie. Substitute the word "pig" for "man" and you can elude any pesky copyright infringment. The government will always screw you over, even in cartoon world. Eskimos have the best drugs. Incompetense will save your life one day.