When is it OK to hit a woman?

With all of this Chris Brown drama that has been going on this past week, I started thinking. Is it ever OK to actually hit a woman? You can't tell me there is absolutely no reason, at all, to ever punch a woman directly in the face. Or maybe backhand one square in the mouth. Or anything like that. There is a reason good enough for any action or reaction and every man does have a breaking point. So let's explore some possible reasons you may have to lay the smack down on a deserving female. You are allowed to hit a woman if... 1. She is threatening your country with nuclear warfare. 2. She is keying your new car, using your daughter's lower jawbone. 3. She tells you she has cheated on you, then attempts to cut off your penis with a chainsaw. 4. She is holding your mother for a ten million dollar ransom, then when paid, refuses to deliver the hostage. 5. She stands right in front of the TV during the Super Bowl...and shoots your Grandfather in the face. 6. She's nagging you in the back seat, complaining about being lost, while she is choking you with a thin, very rusty string of barbed wire. 7. She ruins the ending to a movie you're enjoying by stabbing you in the kidney. 8. She is screwing Osama Bin Laden, in a house made of baby fetuses, while punching you in the balls with brass knuckles. 9. She gives you AIDS, then your father AIDS, then your best friend AIDS, then she threatens to spread it to the world's orphans. 10. She hacks your Facebook and puts up photoshopped pictures of you and random gay kiddie porn, then calls the FBI and reports said kiddie porn which turns out to actually be your little cousin who she kidnapped and forced to do unspeakable things.